The Unravelling of an Ordinary Life

“To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson

I hadn’t been out of Europe before I was 29.

My dad became a salesman aged 40 after 25 years of minimum wage jobs in The City (yes he did start work at 15). He was good at it. Very good at it.

He was so good they made him responsible globally. Every three weeks he jetted to different cities for two or three weeks a time.

When he asked what I wanted for my 30th birthday I said “to come with you on one of your trips”. So I met him in Singapore. Mind Blown! What a place. Boat Quay, Raffles, Night Safari, Sentosa, Pulai Ubin and the tropical atmosphere - I fell in love with it.

We flew on to Hong Kong. Very different but equally thralling.

I vowed to take my children as soon as I could. I made that dream come true six years later. We took them out of school for the whole Spring term. New Year to Easter. Singapore, Sydney, Canberra, Blue Mountains, New Zealand (motorhome tour of the South Island, Wellington), Brisbane (I have family there), Cairns, The Daintree, Hong Kong.

What a trip! Two parents, four children (aged 13, 11, 9, 4). It filled my soul. Trouble was, it didn’t fill my marriage. It made me realise how small my life was at home. In Singapore we met with friends who were living there and I was told “You’re like a caged bird”. I was. That trip woke me up to it.

After our return, it became clear our marriage was not ok. I was bolder. I was not happy “just being wife and mum” as my husband said I should be. I was not happy when he said “what would you know?” if I tried to join in conversation. I was not happy when he said he knew what I was going to say before I said it so I should save my breath. I was not happy when he didn’t come to bed until 1am every evening but was locked in his study (not studying!). I was not happy when he said “we don’t need friends”. I was not happy.

Life had to change.

I’m not going into details here but life changed. I left.

The children lived with me. My husband broke down. Did I feel guilty? Very much so.

I immediately enrolled to finish my degree (1st Class Honours), and became a teacher. I was a good teacher. Actually a great teacher. I studied for a Masters in Education (Distinction). Having been told I don’t know what I’m talking about and to save my breath, this is important. I’d failed at school but not through lack of ability, just lack of guidance and encouragement. Here was the evidence.

I travelled too. The Gambia, USA, Kenya (several times), Sri Lanka, Australia (several times), Hong Kong (several times), India, Thailand, Iceland, The Philippines, Morocco - you might get bored if I carry on, but it’s important to list them - for me it is - it’s the evidence that when something is in you, you have to do it.

The children have all now flown the nest. I have three grandchildren. Love them deeply and proud of them all. But I’m not tied to them. I refuse to live my late 50s and beyond being ‘that’ grandma. I’m free (to an extent) to live how I wish to.

I left teaching in favour of remote high-ticket closing to be free. I stopped closing for a company to do network marketing to be even freer.

Why do I tell you all this? Because I want you to know that whatever is in your heart is within your reach. You have to make hard decisions. You might upset people. But at the end of the day, you get one life. It has to be yours.

D🌺

PS I’m very happily married to a man who loves and supports me 100%. He even lets me speak.😉